By Nikita Rimal Sharma, written July 2022
I don't know how and why the habit started, but I have always had a memory of a notebook and a pen in my vicinity. There have been all kinds of notebook throughout my lifetime. Regular composition, hand-me downs, leather bound, spiral. In the past few years, a Google Chromebook has also accompanied me on days that my thoughts in my head are too fast. However the notebooks look like on the outside, or what form my words take, digital or analogue does not really matter. I just write and fill them with words, my words.
The content has its own variety. Depending on where I am at in life, it seems to take a form of its own. Somedays, it’s a big brain dump of things to do; grocery lists, plants to water, or paperwork I am trying to avoid. It includes my plans and intentions for the days to come, my dreams, hopes, goals, and everything in between. Most days, it’s a reflection on how my life is going. I reflect about events, what has been influencing me or what I am obsessed with. I think and try to make sense of a conversation I had, a life lesson I learned, or I let flow my stream of consciousness. I write about good feelings, when I am filled to the brim with gratefulness, positivity oozing out of my words. I write about my worst fears, moments of defeat and hopelessness when I can’t seem to make sense of the world around me. While processing my thoughts, I also doodle (the few things I know how to draw) while I am writing. These accompanying images may be different versions of a smiley face, floral patterns, hearts, and even stars.
And there is also poetry within the pages. Focusing entirely on a set of words and feelings and turning them into a more structured set of paragraphs never fails to exercise my creative muscles. After the pages are filled, I go through each notebook and tear out the pages that could lead into something more: a poem, a social media post, or just an idea for later. The rest goes into my recycling bin, forgotten once I’ve reached this step.
This is the only way I have known how to live and want to live. All aspects of my life on paper, some wording carefully crafted, some just blurted out. I will continue to do this because this is the only way I know how to be.
There are several reasons why writing has always been present in my life. It is how I take mental snapshots of celebratory moments such as weddings or graduations; let out my heartaches, grief, woes of depression and anxiety; or marvel at the little things that bring me joy. My mind is usually a tangled necklace with knots in several places, crumbled, unaware of its becoming. When I write, each knot starts to loosen and things finally start to make sense. The jumble in my mind straightens and sorts itself to categories. Deeper emotions and rage turn into poetry, random thoughts turn into ideas for living and writing more, to-do lists that seemed to never end now have a clear direction that I can follow without feeling overwhelmed. My memories and stories get a permanent home. When I write is when I get to feel, heal, and sort myself out and make way for more abundance in my life. It gives me a chance to figure myself out, move on from one phase or season to another and ground myself. However, I wouldn’t write if it didn’t give me one thing: joy, pure joy!
Why do you write?
Nikita Rimal Sharma’s sources of joy include lots of writing, contemplating the meaning of life, running as often as her knees let her, hiking, walking, and spending time with her Pitbull Terrier, Stone. Nikita currently resides in Baltimore, Maryland, with her husband and works at B’More Clubhouse, a community-based mental health nonprofit. She is originally from Kathmandu, Nepal. Her debut chapbook, The most beautiful garden was published by Yellow Arrow Publishing in April 2022.
Get your copy of The most beautiful garden today at yellowarrowpublishing.com/store/most-beautiful-garden-paperback.
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